‘Meditation isn’t a self-help tactic’

Expert Susan Piver says the purpose of meditation is not to make people immune to pain, but to make them aware of their innermost feelings — good or bad. She tells Nona Walia how to face problems with strength and genuineness

TIMES NEWS NETWORK 

SUSAN PIVER is an authorised meditation instructor of the Shambhala Buddhist lineage. She's also the bestselling author of six books, including the award-winning, How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life and Wisdom of a Broken Heart. Piver holds workshops on meditation, relationships and creativity at the Harvard Medical School and has spoken on the power of meditation on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Today, and The Tyra Banks Show. Through her online community, Open Heart Project, comprising 8,000 members, Piver teaches meditation. "The benefits of meditation don't stop with improving health, relationships and creativity. If you practise it regularly, meditation can change your life completely.You begin to soften — first towards yourself, and then to others," she says. Excerpts from an interview: 
Tell us about Shamatha meditation 
Shamatha meditation is a basic breathing awareness practice. It is about the mindfulness of each breath we inhale and exhale. It's done like this: Sit comfortably but upright. Relax your body and mind. Let the eyes be open and the gaze cast down to a spot about six feet in front. Pay attention to your breathing. There's no problem if your attention strays into thought. Simply let that thought go and return your attention to breathing. There is no need to stop thinking or modulate your thoughts in any way. Let them be as they are, but when they absorb you, let go and concentrate fully on the breathing. 
What are your tips for choosing a meditation practice? 
It is important to choose a practice that is time-tested and rooted in ancient wisdom. No new-age nonsense. Look for a lineage that emphasises meditation and has yearsof wisdom to back their teachings. Here are some parameters: Choose a practice that is rooted in a lineage that is older than, say, 2,500 years; learn the technique from someone who has been trained to teach it. Teaching meditation is more than an explanation, it's transmission. Don't accept anything that's watered down or instant. There are many skilful and intelligent ways to present the practice of meditation in simple ways. Don't make stuff up. Make it very, very personal. Avoid practices that suggest that the point of meditation is transcendence or bliss. Look for a practice that appreciates happiness and lightness, but doesn't turn away from sadness or darkness. Look for something that emphasises compassion, love, tenderness and dedication to become fully human. 
Why should everyone meditate? 
Meditation improves your health. It improves relationships by making you more flexible and patient; and it also introduces you to your true nature, which is very important. 
Are there any wrong beliefs and practices in meditation? 
Meditation is not a self-help 
tactic, it is a spiritual 
practice. It will not make 
you immune to emotion 
and pain. It will help you meet them with strength and genuineness. And it is not as much about transcending the human body and soul as it is about inhabiting your body and mind fully, and becoming joyful with what is within you. 
What do you look for in a meditative practice? 
Tradition and openness. Rather than teaching you something, whoever you learn from should help you discover something new about yourself. 
You've written about how some people feel more vulnerable today than ever. What are the major concerns and why do they feel so vulnerable? 
Almost everyone is concerned about health, money, self-expression and relationships. I don't think people are more vulnerable today; but there is an inevitable association of the feeling of vulnerability with the feeling of weakness. People need to realise that it's totally all right to feel vulnerable. In fact, meditation too makes you vulnerable, and it's a good thing. It is through vulnerability that we feel, express, and connect with others. It's simply a matter of stabilising your emotions in a rough time. The problem arises when we try to hide strong emotions pretending everything is fine. 
How can an individual use the principles of meditation to make his or her relationship work? 
When it comes to relationships, it's of utmost importance to expand your horizons. You have to take into account your feelings as well as that of your partner's, and look into the environment in which your relationship exists. The five ways of making a relationship work are: generosity, discipline, patience, exertion and wisdom. For instance, instead of holding your partner to your ideals, let your guard down. Open up to your partner. Release your agenda over and over again. 
    This is an incredibly generous thing to 
    do. Discipline in a relationship is about 
    handling each problem with integrity and openness. Exertion is a way of opening to your own experience — and to your beloved's — with tenderness and 
    honesty. To experience everything is to live fully. In time, this practice gives rise to vitality, energy, and joy. 
One mantra in life that you live by… 
Open your heart to change the world.

"There is an inevitable association of the feeling of vulnerability with the feeling of weakness. People need to realise that it's totally alright to feel vulnerable. It is through vulnerability that we feel, express, and connect with others. The problem arises when we try to hide our emotions"